Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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