That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
