who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
