She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
