i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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