Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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