Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
