She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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