He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
