i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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