he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
