His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Randomize
