you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
