1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
