forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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