If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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