How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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