i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
