Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
