I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
