If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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