It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you win again, gameday.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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