um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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