It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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