We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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