I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
