Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
