im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He? As in you personified your dick?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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