Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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