I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We need to rekindle our bromance
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
