the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
