don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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