well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
