honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
