Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
