There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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