sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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