Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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