He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
