Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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