I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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