My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
