remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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