Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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