I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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