don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
