he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Is it because I queefed?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
