Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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