I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Randomize
