only you would photoshop your dick
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
