Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
